


Dragon Wings and Long Lost Things

by lilgulie5



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Grieving, Loss, Romance, mention of rape as it pertains to her relationship with Drogo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 15:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17685893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilgulie5/pseuds/lilgulie5
Summary: Daenerys reflects on all that she has lost as she grieves the loss of Viserion on the ship bound for White Harbor. An angsty oneshot with a more hopeful ending. Set during 7x07.





	Dragon Wings and Long Lost Things

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I had this ficlet languishing in my Google docs for some time (like almost 2 years). Just a short little ficlet.

Daenerys stood at her cabin’s open window as the ship rocked across the sea. She closed her eyes and inhaled the cold, salty air. It was dark, stars dappled the night sky, but if she tried hard enough she could remember what it had felt like to land on the shores of Dragonstone. She had waited her entire life for that moment and now it seemed a lifetime away. If she closed her eyes tight enough, she could feel the wind rushing off of her dragons’ wings as they flew overhead and heard their cries. 

 

_ Viserion _ .

 

She had heard his shriek before she had seen him sinking and faltering across the sky north of the Wall. His lifeless body streaked overhead, spewing so much blood that it briefly reminded her of the red comet she had seen in the sky years ago. She had not cried then, her entire being paralyzed with shock. It was not until later, when they had returned to Eastwatch that she was able to register the loss. 

 

_ Not the first loss, _ she thought.  _ And likely not the last _ . She was not yet twenty years old and she had already encountered enough loss to span several lifetimes and it had begun before she was even born. While still a babe in her mother’s womb she lost her brother, her  homeland. Today, standing amidst the ruins of the Dragonpit, Dany wondered how her life might have been different if she had grown up in Westeros. What might it have been like to spend a childhood exploring the ruins of Summerhall instead of running in fear for her life through the Free Cities? 

 

She had lost her mother, too. Viserys never let her forget that she was the cause of their mother’s death. Whether it was true or not, guilt over Rhaella’s death still gripped at Dany’s core. When she was taken to her new chambers at Dragonstone she was overcome with emotion.  _ This _ was where she was brought into the world.  _ This is where my mother left the world _ . Had the queen even been able to hold her daughter in her arms? Daenerys could not say. Her brother’s stories never included such details. After all, he was only a young boy at the time she was born and now she did not have the chance to ask him. 

 

_ Viserys. _

 

Had Dany been heartless in allowing Drogo to murder her brother, the only other living Targaryen she knew of? He had been cruel to her it was true, but he was still her blood.  _ He sold you for a throne _ , Dany thought gazing up at the stars.  _ He sold you to your Sun and Stars _ . 

 

_ Drogo _ . 

 

Sometimes at night she still dreamed of him, longed to be held tightly in his strong arms. He had been the center of her world for such a short amount of time. She had loved him fiercely, despite the early circumstances of their marriage. Hindsight allowed her to see him in a different way. She had grown to love him, it was true, but loving him was better at the time than the alternative. He had hurt her, raped her, made her contemplate ending her own life, and yet she had changed him.  _ Or had I? _ she wondered. She brought the Dothraki across the Narrow Sea, but try as she might she could never imagine Drogo finding a home or being content in Westeros. When she watched him fall from his horse it was as if the world was crumbling around her. Now she knew how foolish she had been to trust that maegi, but she would have done anything to save his life.  _ And look what it cost you. Not only your husband, but also your son. _

 

_ Rhaego _ . 

 

It was her son who still haunted her the most. In her dreams he was always tall and strong like his father, with bells softly tinkling in his long silver hair. His eyes, however, were violet like hers and he was as kind as he was strong. He should have been the stallion who mounted the world, but he would be a just and kind ruler like his ancestor Jahaerys the Conciliator. He would have united peoples of the earth. Whenever she woke from these dreams her pillow was always wet with tears. She had never even been able to hold him in her arms. She refused to believe he looked as monstrous as Mirri Maz Duur said he did. In her mind he was beautiful and perfect. When she had lost him Dany had asked to hold one of her eggs. It was only now that she remembered it was the pale one, seemingly etched with golden patterns across its shell. _Viserion’s egg_ ,  she thought sadly and a fresh wave of pain and loss enveloped her and she felt tears rise in her eyes once more. _Perhaps Rhaego is riding his brother into the Night Lands now._

 

How many others had she lost? Names she knew, names she might never know. 

 

_ Ser Barristan _ . 

 

Her brave Queensguard, killed in an alleyway in Meereen fighting the Sons of the Harpy. He had served her well, given her counsel, told her stories about Rhaegar that Viserys never mentioned. He had traveled to Essos to serve her and it hurt her heart that he was not with them now to see her step foot in Westeros. Someday they would sing songs of him, she would make sure of it. Ser Barristan the Bold. A knight whose honor was beyond compare. How she missed him. 

 

_ Jon Snow _ . 

 

Her heart whispered his name and it echoed through her being. She had almost lost him, too. Dany had known him for a handful of months. He had annoyed her and frustrated her with his refusal to bend the knee, but he had also impressed her with his devotion to his people and his bravery. When Jon said that he would be going north of the Wall to capture a wight her heart lurched. When she said farewell to him on the beach she felt as if she had known him for years.  _ This is how you should have felt leaving Daario in Meereen, _ she told herself.  _ This is what it feels like to say goodbye to someone you hold dear _ .  _ To someone you love. _

 

Somehow she knew he would come back. She knew he was not dead when he plunged into the ice. She would have felt it. Instead, against all odds he came riding back to Eastwatch, miraculously still atop his horse. From the time they brought him through the gates until he awoke she had stayed by his side, except for when Missandei coerced her to eat and to change clothes.  _ Was that on the second or third day? _ She could not remember. Jon came back to her and, despite everything else they were facing, the fact that she was not alone was comforting. 

 

Words were insufficient to describe what she felt for him. She certainly had not felt this way with Daario and it was even different that what she felt for Drogo. This was deeper, instinctual, and if she was honest with herself, more dangerous. She faced wars on two different fronts. Despite the terms of a temporary peace with Cersei, Dany knew that as soon as they defeated the Night King she would have to fight for her throne. There was no time for any such feelings. It was rash and irresponsible for her to even consider it and yet...And yet a part of her felt she deserved this. 

 

She had lost much in her life and Jon Snow had been the one person who came back to her. He respected her. He bent the knee when he did not need to in front of the assembly gathered at the Dragonpit and he spoke to her like no other man had even spoken to her before. She would be a fool to let that go and perhaps she was a fool to-.

 

_ Knock. Knock. Knock.  _

 

Dany closed the window and composed herself before walking to the door. It was no doubt Tyrion seeking to counsel her on how to win over the Northern lords of Westeros, even though they were still at least a moon’s turn away from White Harbor. When she opened her door, it was not her Hand who patiently waited for her, but Jon Snow. 

 

_ Jon _ . 

 

They stared wordless at one another. The candlelight from her cabin cast a shadow across his face yet his dark eyes gleamed at her with a yearning that echoed her own. Propriety dictated that she send away the Warden of the North who had come unannounced to her private chamber so late in the night. Instead, Dany pushed the door open further, an unspoken invitation for Jon to enter. 

 

_ After all of this, I will not lose him, too.  _

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
